barbara walters just said penis...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
