He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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