maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
