ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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