I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
