they need to just BURY HIM!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
