I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are we still banned from the library?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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