ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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