She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
