You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
