oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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