i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
