I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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