Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex on a dog bed..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
