The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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