threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
