Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
