Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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