I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
