Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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