Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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