She's JV to your varsity
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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