a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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