i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
