Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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