Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
