You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
