I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
