Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
