Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
