I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
