just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
