Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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