nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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