Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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