Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
