you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i now understand why vodka
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
