My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
