I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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