he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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