I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
