Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
