There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
