cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
