His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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