So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Less talking, more tequila
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
