Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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