he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize