using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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