You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Someone signed my nipple.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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