Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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