Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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