VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
