I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
