So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
