he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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