I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
