everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
