Me. At least after what I've been through.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
