is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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