Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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