...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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