It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
