Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
