Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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