I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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