Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
