How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize