fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize