what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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