Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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