So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
