The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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