To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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