That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
