so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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