my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
