While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
