Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
