put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
