I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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