So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
as a side note pls kill me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
