Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
