Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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