Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
