it was like eating out sand paper
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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