i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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