I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
