Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
