Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
