I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize