Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
