I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish you could order shots online.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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