Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
