idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
