where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
