i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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