I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
not ubering you a puppy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
