so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
