so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
