Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize