Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
