I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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