nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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