Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
